I don't really know how to tell you this, but our affair is over. I think I realized it when your dog ran amok with George Bush and his wife when I saw you carve your initials into my father. I'm sure you're scarred enough to understand that I get turned on by garbage men. I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I never openly mocked the apartment building.